A condensed version of Simon Stephens’ A Working Diary

A Working Diary. Simon Stephens. The condensed version.


1st January


At [the Court/the National/the Royal Exchange]. I like it here.

Saw [insert playwright]’s new play. It was ok.

/profound line break/

I know so much about theatre. I know the ins and outs. I know what makes theatre function. I know audiences. I know what it means to be a writer. I know how to theatre.


13th March


Today, I went to [bar/hotel/restaurant/pub/theatre] in [Manchester/London/Berlin/New York].

I like this [bar/hotel/restaurant/pub/theatre] because twenty years ago I had a [meeting/play/drink] here.

It was when I was very young. I’m older now.

There are is some [alcohol/theatre/food] that reminds me of a scene from a play I wrote called THREE KINGDOMS. THREE KINGDOMS was partly a good play because I wrote it and also partly a good play because it was very influential.


Dear Diary,

I’m getting older now and I’m worried that I might have already written my best sex scenes.

Simon xox


22th April

My wife and the mother of my children came to see my play. It’s about a woman who kills her baby. My wife didn’t like it. Genuinely can’t understand her. It’s a fucking great play.


32nd July

In New York. New York is great.


Dear Diary,

I wish I was as clever as Katie Mitchell.

Simon. Xox


Sometime in August who even gives a fuck anymore

Went out for lunch with [any middle-aged straight white man in the theatre industry]. We talked about [any Simon Stephens play since 2014]. It’s going to be great. Everyone’s going to love it.


75th November

Back in Manchester. I like Manchester. Am a bit drunk.

Fuck capitalism.


76th November

I’ve written a good play. It’s really good. I think it might change the course of Manchester’s history. Manchester will never be the same after this play.


77th November

I don’t read reviews but apparently everyone, including people in Manchester, hates my new play. I don’t understand. Maybe it’s shit. I thought it was quite good.


Dear Diary,

I went on Twitter and tweeted something. Everyone loved it.

Simon xox


Late December

Lol I’m hung over.

In [Manchester/London/Berlin/New York].

Had a biscuit.

I don’t read reviews. I know in my heart of hearts of hearts whether the play I wrote is good, and it always is.

Next year I’m going to write some good plays.



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